Let’s be honest! You love the fact that you have children; you love your children! But then, on the other hand, you're also missing who you were before your kids. You're missing what you used to be able to do. You're missing the amount of time you'd used to spend with your horses. You're missing freedom. You're missing almost everything about your life pre-kids, and you don't know how to navigate all of those big, ugly emotions, and then the guilt that follows them, right, because the guilt is going to follow. I know that because I went through all of this.
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It’s so easy to be frustrated, hurt, sad, resentful or anxious about where we are in life.
“It shouldn’t be like this”
“Why is it so hard”
“My horse should be doing -“
“Why am I still scared”
“No one supports me”
“This isn’t what I thought my life would be like”
When we get stuck in what we think life -should be- we totally miss what life really is.
This is commonly the root of our frustration, anxiety, depression, resentment, and suffering.
Life is what it IS.
Learning to accept and love what ‘is’ allows you space to then make a plan with action steps to move in the direction you want; my friend, that is true freedom.
Let go of what you think life should be.
Let go of where you think you should be.
Let go of what you think your horse should be able to do.
Let go of what you think your marriage should be.
Let go of how you think your kids should be.
Live in this moment. Love now. Embrace now.
If you’re looking for steps to help, check out the free 30-day challenge inside Horsewomen Who Rise Up & Ride in the guide section: “Chomping at the Bit.”
“It shouldn’t be like this”
“Why is it so hard”
“My horse should be doing -“
“Why am I still scared”
“No one supports me”
“This isn’t what I thought my life would be like”
When we get stuck in what we think life -should be- we totally miss what life really is.
This is commonly the root of our frustration, anxiety, depression, resentment, and suffering.
Life is what it IS.
Learning to accept and love what ‘is’ allows you space to then make a plan with action steps to move in the direction you want; my friend, that is true freedom.
Let go of what you think life should be.
Let go of where you think you should be.
Let go of what you think your horse should be able to do.
Let go of what you think your marriage should be.
Let go of how you think your kids should be.
Live in this moment. Love now. Embrace now.
If you’re looking for steps to help, check out the free 30-day challenge inside Horsewomen Who Rise Up & Ride in the guide section: “Chomping at the Bit.”
Until next time my friend 💜
Anxiety and depression are big, painful emotions that many people struggle with. Are you one of them? Perhaps you only deal with one or the other, or maybe you struggle with both regularly.
Sometimes, however, I think people only know that they feel gross, down, frustrated, stressed or sad. When we feel this way, we often don’t even want to really think about what we feel because we don’t want to get lost down that rabbit trail of figuring it out. I believe that is one of the biggest mistakes a person can make when they truly desire to improve their life and strive for happiness.
First off, do you know the difference between anxiety and depression? When I first thought of that question, I had to stop and think about it. I then double-checked with good ole Google to see if I had it straight.
These are common struggles for those with anxiety: (summarized in my words based on this article)
- Often thought of as “worry-warts.” They are always fearful about something bad happening, right now and in the future.
- They often get stuck thinking about all the horrible things that could happen today, tomorrow, or ten years from now. Something is bound to go wrong, and they can’t stop thinking about it.
- They don’t put themselves in any situations where they are scared that their anxiety will take over and humiliate them. This can result in a lot of self-isolation.
- Getting fixated on the probability of death due to random circumstances, feelings or symptoms.
Depression rather shows itself as:
- Feeling of sadness that you cannot shake or possibly even identify.
- Feeling hopeless about a situation or even your own abilities not being good enough.
- When you feel like you are worthless and all your efforts in life are worthless.
- You think of death often; your life is hopeless, worthless, and a burden on your loved ones.
The struggle with anxiety and depression is dealing with one of these alone is a huge struggle. But, commonly, one can create the other, so you find yourself fighting with both anxiety and depression.
While I’m not a therapist, and I always suggest seeking professional help (especially if you find yourself fixated on death or suicidal thoughts), I want to encourage you to try out these few practices that can be life-changing if used regularly.
1. Deliberately sit with your feelings and try to identify them to the best of your ability. Depression, anxiety and overwhelm for a lot of people can be a symptom of an unmet need or an emotion that isn't being taken care of. Check out this feelings wheel chart I found that can help narrow down specifically what you are feeling.
2. Once you’ve got a feeling, we will use worthless as an example, and I want you to remind yourself that you are not wrong or broken for feeling this way. Emotions are never right or wrong; they simply are what they are. Hating them or wishing you didn’t have them will not serve you; that will only create hatred and resentment toward your faults.
3. Now, I want you to envision yourself sitting at a table, and your worthless feeling is sitting beside you. What would you say to it? “Hey, worthlessness, I see you. I see you hurting and in so much pain. I love you, just as you are. I am here, I see you, I love you, and we will figure this out.”
Learning to identify and name our emotions allows us to see it for what it actually is. When we don’t know and stay stuck in the “I just feel horrible” road, we can’t love ourselves where we need to be loved.
Staying stuck in the unknown is the perfect recipe for continued depression, anxiety, resentment, frustration and anger. Love and empathy are the antidotes.
I, for one, have struggled with both depression and anxiety. They come and go, but the one thing that stays the same is that getting help from other people helps keep me happier and more emotionally healthy. If you want to be surrounded by other like-minded wonderful people, you can find us in my Facebook Group by clicking the button.
This morning I had an outburst of anger.
I had a fit...lost my temper...yelled...and accidentally dented my wall with a door handle.
I am embarrassed. I am ashamed. I feel guilty that my children had to witness it.
Still feeling completely out of control, I forced myself to sit and close my eyes while my children zoned out in front of the TV. I listened to a guided meditation, knowing I needed to be talked off an invisible ledge in my mind bordering complete chaos.
Why am I so angry? Why do I feel completely out of control? Why am I so disconnected from myself?
My inner voice quietly responded, "you feel powerless. You feel like a ship at sea with no sails; the wind and waves are tossing you around, and you can do nothing. You're angry because you feel hopeless. You're angry because you feel powerless to protect yourself. You are angry because you're scared to be vulnerable. You're frustrated because this cycle never seems to end."
During the meditation, I cried silently, holding my youngest daughter, who was oblivious to my inner turmoil. She had already forgiven me. I apologized anyway. God created these wonderful, young, impressionable tiny humans to forgive so easily. What a blessing!!
I commit to slowing down and examining my emotions more.
I commit to making myself a priority.
Know better...Do better.
I have tools I can implement to help myself. Do I still fail? Of course! This morning, I failed...but now I recommit, pick myself back up and do better.
Don't give up on yourself. We are all growing, learning, changing, and stumbling.
. Recommit and start again. I'm not perfect...far from...but I know the tools I have work when I use them.
You've got this
How often do we suffer in silence with our big emotions, scared of being shamed by others?
How often do we feel like anger is completely unacceptable...the biggest and nastiest of all?
Anger is a sign something is wrong. Feeling anger means something much bigger and deeper is happening, and it's time to reflect. Anger is a sign that we don't feel heard; we feel powerless and hopeless. Anger protects us from the scary feelings of vulnerability. Anger protects us from all of those feelings because it makes us feel powerful.
If you're like me and want to work on these emotions, don't feel shame. Don't feel worthless or messed up. You're not alone.
Let's end the stigma that anger is evil. Anger itself isn't the problem. Buried, misunderstood, and unvoiced feelings create anger. Anger is a symptom.
If you'd like to surround yourself with others who want to do better, I've created a safe space in . Anyone is welcome.
